I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
