My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
