I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
