This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
