dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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