You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When did angry sex become our thing?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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