Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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