This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
