and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
