My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
