im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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