So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
