I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
