I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
