i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
