well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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