look no pants
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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