Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
