Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
