i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
