Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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