so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize