I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
