You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
cat food counts as protein by the way
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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