I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dignity is for republicans.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
