perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
