This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
