the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
