It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Then you guys just all showered together...?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
