Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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