do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
