I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
