piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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