Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
