I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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