She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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