My room smells like vodka and shame
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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