He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
