I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
