So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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