Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
