I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
