found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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