what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
