If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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