Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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