Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
