what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
