if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
