I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
