im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
