I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
