my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
