The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Someone came in the potted fern
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
