i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
