Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
