girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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