I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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