i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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