When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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