It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
