Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize