You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
