What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
