using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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