OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if only i could text you this smell
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
