I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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