my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
