I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
